How being a fangirl basically saved me
I’ll never forget a Harry Styles interview to Rolling Stone back in 2017 where he talks about fangirls. In that context, he talked about his solo music being “older” and if that would be a problem to his “teenager” female fans, since the media portrait of a fangirl is necessarily a teenage-girl one. Harry says: “you gonna tell me they’re not being serious?”
For more than one time since March 14th (my official first day of isolation), I stayed up late or woke up before dawn. On both occasions, that was because of great happenings on the k-pop world such as MV premieres or live shows, and that’s bound to happen a few more times until the end of my isolation (which has no set date).
Some of those times, while I scrolled through my timeline looking for a new fanfic, bought yet another merch from a korean group (hello, Weverse Shop!) or shared a concept photo from a comeback I’m really looking forward to, I thought to myself “how good it is to be a teenager”, but the truth is that what’s really good is being able to live this at the age of 27.
In a year that has been mentally draining enough that so little has been worth celebrating, that has seen the drastic decrease of my mental health in this 8 months of social distancing, I, a lot of times, caught myself thanking my comfort k-pop groups and thinking that it has been a long time since I wasn’t this genuinely happy and excited about something, anything. Being an extremely dedicated fangirl gave me back my happiness and that sparkle in my eye that living in a pandemic world took from me –and gave me the opportunity to meet lots of people.
Thanks to k-pop (and to being a fangirl), I now feel much closer to people that I otherwise would just share a word or two in a Twitter thread, I try to educate myself about a culture that’s not mine, I want to learn a whole new language just because, and I started to follow on social media female professionals that inspire me so much and that I sometimes exchange a motivational word of two.
All of that while I am baffled by so many initiatives from groups who support NGOs and great causes, and while I come up with personal projects myself based on this recently acquired taste.
When I look to this personal journey of mine, I see, yes, a teenage version of myself with straight-hair (don’t ask) and that did all those same things: was excited about fanfics, went crazy with new-released photos, got teary-eyed and moved about an interview and anxiously waited for a music video premiere (which was probably on MTV and not on a scheduled YouTube premiere), but a better version, one that can channel all this energy, inspiration and passion into doing things, having company on a tough time like right now or simply having fun and alienate herself for a minute or two (or the length of BTS’ Carpool Karaoke).
Being a fangirl in 2020 and at 27 helped me read the room better, tell better stories and understand better what makes me genuinely happy.
We grow up (and specially us who fall into the stereotypical female standards) knowing that some things are better off left for the teenage girls, and should stay there, anything besides this is shameful and considered a guilty pleasure (there is no such thing), but being a fangirl, in fact, saved me from going through this year completely apathetic.
And I am being very serious.
